Sitting Waiting Wishing

5 months since our first date

4 weeks since our last kiss

22 days until I see her lovely face

Some Mad Hope

Currently sitting in almost 90% humidity in hot, wet North Carolina.

Hello, Brevard

I just finished the first week of 7 weeks at the Brevard Music Center, a summer orchestral institute in Brevard, NC.  Things are going okay so far.  I do miss Seattle terribly, though – its weather (even the rain), its atmosphere, and most importantly, the people.  I’ve made some good friends here already, mostly low brass players.  I’ve also had several crazy “Holy crap! Small world!” encounters.  I also saw some people I know from Lawrence, which is also bizarre and crazy.  I’m just now realizing how tiny the music world is.  It might be safe to say that I will probably encounter at least half of the people here with me this summer at some point in my musical career.  It’s always great to make lasting connections (positive ones, of course).

Regardless of all the new faces, I miss my people.  Nothing trumps the comfort of being in the company of great friends.  Deep connections like that aren’t born out of a week, but from months and years.  I’ve really had a great two years in Seattle.  I’ve made some of the greatest friendships that I know will last a lifetime.

I don’t really have anything to say.  I’m really just trying to kill time and prod it so it might go quicker … August 9th can’t come soon enough.  I really am enjoying my time here, but it’s been a long week since our last kiss.  It’s difficult to be apart, especially for such a long time.  We have discussed our situation time and again, and we stand by our collective answer.  We must be strong and continue to pursue our own ambitions, and do what we must to achieve our goals, so that maybe one day, we can share a same goal and pursue it together, but until then, we must be strong.

42 days.  6 more weeks.  We can do it.

Alright.  Let’s go

Good night.

Sold Out

I’m alive!

Sports and Wine

An uncarved block is to a sculptor as silence is to a musician.

When was the last time our ears experienced complete silence?  Never, perhaps.  Maybe we should quit yapping so much and listen.  There was a band director that I was able to play under several years ago – a brilliant man.  During rehearsal, he would require us to be in complete silence before the downbeat of the piece.  He would say, “silence is our canvas.”  Of course, complete silence is quite impossible, but when we stopped our chattering and cluttering and clanging and shifting and listened, listened to the buzz of the lights above, the pipes stretching in the heat of the summer, perhaps an airplane flying overhead, the first note becomes such a powerful sound.  The room suddenly is vibrating with this new, artificial wave of noise.  It puts much more meaning into the notes we play that way – starting from silence.  A burst of color onto a blank canvas.  Tasty.

I feel like I’m approaching a turning point in my life.  I have always known that the life I chose to lead would be a difficult one, but one never knows its extent until they reach it.  I don’t think I’ve even reached it, but it’s already taking its toll.  I just need some time off everything.  It’s always one or the other … or both.  I need time to think.  I would kill for a weekend getaway to the Olympic Mountains for a hike, or maybe a drive across the pass to the vineyards of Yakima.  Something different … I need a change.  I’m balancing so many plates, and they’re coming dangerously close to shattering.

Silence.  I would like silence … all except the sounds of what this Earth was meant to sound.  No cars, no planes, no sirens, no phones, no radios, no subwoofers.  I want to listen to the Earth – hear its cries, its laughs.  I want to feel like a creature that’s part of it all … not an outsider, as I do now and often.

“When you look at forests and cities, it’s a wonder how humans go around carrying themselves as the superior animal…” – Benjamin Hoff, The Dao of Pooh

Life should be simple.  It was meant to be simple.  I think we have the power to make it so.

So let’s make it so.

Good night.

Looking Up

Things are …

looking up.

I think.

I’m crossing my fingers.  This could potentially be very exciting.

I hope I know what I’m doing.  It’s been a while.

We’ll see …

Exodus

So it begins.

Sitting in the lobby of the Crowne Plaza Hotel Reliant Park/Medical Center, watching the sun peek out every once in a while, listening to terrible “smooth” jazz.  I guess I can legitimately say that I am excited, pumped even, for what’s to come.  I’ve gotta go make my people proud.  This week is a massive UW School of Music audition exodus, with 5 of us shipping out to various locations to take on auditions.  To be a part of the 5 is a tremendous feeling in itself.  Even though my particular audition isn’t as life-altering as, say, a graduate school audition, I still take pride in going out and doing things with this bit of insanity I possess.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how insane we are.  It’s pretty nutty.  I just spent 400 dollars traveling to attempt something that I’m not guaranteed (or even expected) to accomplish.  There’s a very good chance that I’ll come home empty-handed, with a gigantic hole in my bank account.

But, as we say, that is how greatness is achieved.  I’m reaching for greatness … it sounds better than it really is.  Actually, Ko would say that rather than reach for the apple pie perched atop the fridge, I’ve gotta shake it.  I’ve gotta shake the fridge.

That is what I shall do.  Shake the fridge.

Thanks, Ko … Sensei.

Really though, thanks.

It’s game time

Absolutely Zero

I can’t recall the last time I had so many feelings bouncing around in my head.  My mind is exploding.

*will update later … *

- update -

Who reads this anyway?  I always speak (write) as though I have readers out there, which is silly.  I’m not interesting enough to invest time in reading my life in words.  If I was, I would probably not be writing blogs.

Tomorrow, I travel to Houston.  The Pacific Music Festival auditions are held at Rice University.  The festival itself is held in Sapporo, Japan, and there are several US audition locations to choose from.  Los Angeles was my first choice – obviously from the distance and price compared to other cities – but the audition slots filled up before I could register, so I’m stuck going to Houston … I plan to make the most out of this, however.  I will eat good barbeque, swim in the nice swimming pool at the Crowne Plaza Hotel – I’ll treat this trip like a vacation.  Gotta stay relaxed … focused … to DOMINATE (it’s an inside joke).

My stomach does weird things when I think about the whole thing.  My heart races a bit, and Ride of the Valkyries starts playing in my head … it’s pretty heinous (especially when I hear myself play it).  Gotta stay focused.

Actually,

gotta go to bed …

so later days,